For the past week I’ve been doing some very necessary, but non-stimulating work tasks. I’ve been searching for HR organizations and building spreadsheets with contact names, phone numbers, websites, email addresses, Facebook pages, Twitter accounts, etc (by the way, did you know there are more than 750 regional chapters of SHRM, ASTD, and OD Network?). Anyway, for about a week my mind was lulled into a rhythm of search, open new window, copy, paste, rinse, and repeat. I don’t mind though, because I am meticulous about data collection and probably wouldn’t trust anyone else to compile this list for me anyway.
Yesterday, however, I realized that the monotony had taken its toll. I had just purchased my afternoon Soy Latte at Starbucks, and when the barista handed me my drink she said “Thank you” to which I responded “Love you too.” Wait….what?!?!
That’s right! I said “I love you!” to my local Starbucks barista! My brain was not only on auto-pilot, but it was on auto-pilot on the wrong plane!
Before you laugh too hard at my expense, you know you’ve done the same thing. You know you’ve grabbed a meal somewhere and when the cashier said “Enjoy your meal” you responded “You too.”
It happens. We expect a certain exchange in routine conversations and as a result, we don’t always stay engaged in what is actually being said. How often have you been introduced to someone and because you were thinking about your own response you didn’t listen to the person’s name?
When our brains detect a routine, they reserve their energy and switch into passive mode. Routines are like kryptonite to the critical thinking process. When you’re in a routine, you don’t ask questions. You don’t seek out new information. You don’t see inefficiency. You don’t challenge assumptions. You don’t allow yourself the opportunity to make connections between unrelated concepts.
While my Starbucks love confession will only have minor implications on my life (i.e. driving a mile further to get my coffee at the next closest Starbucks from now on), any time we allow our brains to act passively we lose the opportunity to think BIG. If I’d really been actively involved in my Starbucks visit, who knows what I might have noticed. A patron reading an interesting book? A conversation about an interesting topic? An opportunity to network? The meaning of life? Who knows…
Instead I walked out of the Starbucks 3 shades more red than when I arrived, and with a blog post idea brewing. Keep your eyes open, stay engaged in the moment, and save the “I love you’s” for someone who can offer you more than some extra whipped cream.
What was your most embarrassing auto-pilot moment?
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Routines help us stay productive (and they are essential when raising kids!). I think the key is to not get stuck in the same routines, but to think well in between them and create better ones. So go ahead and stay on auto-pilot at Starbucks. Treat it as recess for your brain to ponder bigger things.
Good point Chad. There are plenty of great reasons that routines are efficient. I have a routine of checking all of the doors in my house to make sure they’re locked before I leave the house. I also go around and turn off all of the lights. That routine helps me secure the house and save electricity.
However, when we’re set in our routine we also don’t question what we could be doing better. I guess it’s a balance between saving our brain’s mental energy and making sure we’re open to new variations on the routine.
You never know how much that barista needed the “love” boost. I forget the exact statistic but we receive something like a 5 to 1 ration of negative comments for every positive one in the workplace.
I’ll bet you don’t actually go to another Starbucks. You can trust yourself to be able to handle seeing that barista again. Maybe your ritual morning dose of love will make that person’s day.
Thanks for a lovely reminder about the effects of auto-pilot!
Hi Sandy!
The very gracious barista just laughed when I said “Love you too!” She said “well that’s a new one!”
Then she told me about how when her husband used a Nextel for work, he got in the habit of answering that phone by saying “Go ahead” and often accidentally answered his personal cell phone the same way.
You’re right…I probably won’t drive to another Starbucks, but I will definitely blush the next time I see her! Maybe I’ll just make it my inside joke with her.
This was a really funny post. I had the SAME thing happen to me at a meeting with my web developers a few years ago. A guy in the meeting said it within the same context as your auto pilot love remark wrapping up the closure of a meeting. It registered to me. I know my brow furrowed a look of “that was odd.” Then we moved on like it never happened. I just did not acknowledge it and I think he was relieved. I was not quick enough to go tongue and cheeky… telling him I loved him back… not that it really would have worked in that context. I saw it as a level of comfort and routine to be able to go on auto pilot. I knew he was not thinking… and still find it amusing.
I ended a routine phone call with my ex one time with “OK, love ya…”
Routines are good – for me, as a sailor, we need a routine for system checks before leaving port and when returning – you don’t want to run into problems that you could have prevented in the middle of the ocean.
With that said, I have found myself being over exuberant with service providers at times and to see their reaction… well, let’s just say, sometimes changing the routine will help save face.