I follow a lot of brilliant bloggers who write compelling content and stimulate fascinating discussions. One of those people is Laurie Ruettimann who writes at http://thecynicalgirl.com. But what happens when someone disagrees with the perspective of a blogger? Sometimes there are valuable learning experiences for everyone involved, but often it looks like this:
This outrageous comment was left on a post about whether Homeopathic, Naturopathic, or Chiropractic care should be covered on medical insurance plans. Laurie made the argument that those types of therapies have less scientific backing than traditional medical therapies and therefore should not be covered under insurance plans so that premiums are kept as low as possible. While I may not agree with Laurie’s perspective of chiropractic therapy, I think she opened the door to an interesting/worthwhile debate. However, just because you open the door doesn’t mean everyone will step through it.
Instead of responding with something thoughtful or reasonable, “JF ” (the commenter above) resorts to name calling and logical fallacies. He essentially says “I disagree with you, so you are an idiot and everything you say about any other topic will be wrong too.”
Where do I even begin here? I thought about listing out all of the logical fallacies committed by this individual, but decided it wasn’t worth the effort. This kind of response to a healthy debate shows a disinterest in learning, critical thinking, and communication.
When you shut down an argument by insulting the other person and implying that everything else they believe is false, you lose. You lose the opportunity to grow as an individual. You lose the opportunity to influence. You lose the opportunity to educate and/or learn. But most importantly, you lose all respect from the critical thinkers that spend time evaluating the argument, researching information, and questioning conclusions.
Don’t be that guy!
The next time you disagree with something a blogger says, take time to formulate a quality response. Here are a few things to consider before you post a comment:
- Can you find any points of agreement? If so, acknowledge those before you detail the areas in which you disagree. Building rapport leads to more respectful communication.
- Focus on the argument, not the individual.
- State your points clearly and thoroughly with evidence, not insults.
- Remember that we are all limited by our own experiences/biases and no 1 person is right all of the time. This includes you.
- Accept the fact that there are some people who will never change their beliefs/opinions.
- Pick your battles and know when to walk away. You will not win every argument, and not every argument is worth your time/energy.
- Saying “no offense” before you say something overtly offensive does not excuse the offensiveness. Same thing goes for starting an insult with “with all due respect.”
What is the most outrageous comment you have received on your blog or during an argument? How do you handle offensive or mean commenters?
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Forgive the irony just this once, since I’m lazy and I don’t really publish a blog of my own (perhaps I should)… this has been a common thread of discussion as to why many people – especially in the tech sector – just don’t do comments. It seems strange to some folks, but MG Siegler, John Gruber, and others all make the point that they love well-reasoned discussion, but ask that people reply on their own blog. It makes sense.
http://mattgemmell.com/2012/01/07/comments-commentary/
Baron- Thanks for commenting! I agree! I think there’s a good argument for replying through your own blog. Sometimes I feel like I hijack someone’s post if I keep coming back to respond with additional comments. It’s a great way to use as much space as you want to respond thoughtfully as well as engage a new set of readers into the debate. Plus, lots of comment sections screen out links assuming they are spam, so it can be hard to show “evidence” for an argument or reference an outside resource in the comment section.
All good advice Breanne – I’ve had a few aggressive, ignorant comments posted on my blog over the years. I don’t moderate comments and I comment back and leave them there for the consideration of others. Most people are reasonable and intelligent and can identify someone who isn’t, rather quickly – as in this case. It’s my opinion that individuals who use a screen name and make inflammatory remarks are not interested in personal growth, serious opportunity to influence or educate or gain respect from subject matter experts, peers, etc., and most likely have a slew of non-correctable issues at the root of their actions.
Karla- Excellent point. The anonymity of a screen name can bring out the worst in people, and the ones who are the most offensive/aggressive usually don’t come back to continue the conversation anyway. I think it takes a lot of strength to walk away from those kinds of comments and let it roll off your back. I’m always amazed by the bloggers who handle those situations with grace.
Great post, Breanne!
It’s natural when we read something that we disagree with to respond disagreeably. However, mature people will take a moment to calm down and breathe and think carefully before responding — if they respond at all. There are many times where I’ve read something and I choose to email the person privately to express my concerns or disagreement. Occasionally, I address it on my own blog — but I make about the idea and not the person. I think of it like “calling someone out” in public — it is always best to pull someone aside than to make a scene.
The internet makes people bold in really unhealthy, unproductive ways. I read Laurie’s post early in the day so I didn’t see this comment. Now I want to go back to see her’s and other responses to JF …
Thanks Buzz! I like your approach. In face-to-face communication, so very few people would say “You’re an idiot and everything you believe in is ignorant” to someone. We should treat people the same on the internet as we do in “real life.” Oh, and definitely go back to Laurie’s post to read the comments. It will blow your mind. Sadly more “JF’s” appear later in the day.
What a great post, Breanne! It reminds me that I have been very lucky, since any comments that have disagreed with my post have been exactly as you teach – thoughtful and reasoned.
My oddest comment was a political comment that had nothing to do with substance of the post, but was a comment against a person I had mentioned in it, and came months after the post. My response was to blog about the comment and discuss free speech. Anything for a blog post idea.
http://justjoan.joanginsberg.com/2011/09/blog-comments-when-to-delete/
Very good post and something we can all use a refresher course on. However, now I’m wondering why I don’t get too many of these kinds of lame comments on my blog. Perhaps it’s just not that interesting
Thanks for all you do.
Joan- Don’t you hate when the entire point of your post is missed because someone derails the discussion? You work so hard to create interesting content and then someone focuses on a tiny detail within the post and forgets about the big picture. It can be a serious de-motivator if you let it. Thankfully, usually the faithful readers jump in with something supportive. What would we do without those faithful readers (our cheerleading squad)?
Susan- I used to feel the same way, but writing for a corporate blog doesn’t allow too many opportunities for a controversial topic. I’ve had a few posts that generated some aggressive comments in the past, but I’m thankful that 99% of my readers take time to write really insightful responses. It makes each post worthwhile. There are times, though, when I think writing edgy, challenging content like Laurie would be a blast. Wouldn’t it be fun to write something from the heart (albeit controversial) and just watch what unfolds? Anyway, I hope you’re settling in and catching some Big Bang Theory tonight!
Funnily enough as I commented on the post that Laurie created BEFORE the wellness programs – the minute you get personal YOU LOSE – that is the final boundary…
Rachael- Oh yes, that was another heated post! It’s amazing how the message of that post was already forgotten by the next day. So sad. It reminds me of the post at Unmarketing today. http://www.unmarketing.com/2012/01/10/worst-use-of-social-media-of-2012-boners-bbq/
Even when given an opportunity to fix a mistake and apologize, the character of the person behind Boner BBQ showed through (and not in a good way).
I’ve not had a rude comment on my blog, but get them occassionally on FB discussion sites. Recently I was told that I “live under a rock” and am “niave” (on the basis of the responder CHANGING what I actually said, despite my sentences being in text above his.
My response was, “Acnowledging your need to belittle people, and stepping over it….” and “the key word in my sentence was ‘more’”.
He doesn’t comment on my input anymore ~:-)